Having “A Day”

A few days ago I had this idea of creating a blog to help moms share their birth stories. I had visions of writing up my own birth story, and talking to other mamas about theirs. I envisioned moms reaching out via email, message, phone call,or meeting up in person to tell me their experience. I envisioned sharing coffee, tears, hugs and memories and putting those experiences and stories into words. 

I want to tell your stories. I want other moms to see that there is no “normal” when it comes to motherhood. That there are millions of stories and none of them are the same. I want to share as much, or as little, as you want me to. I want to turn your birth story into a beautiful piece of writing, something that we both can be proud of. 

Because moms, I’m proud of you already, for being interested in telling me your story. 

We all have a different journey, but we share a lot of the same struggles and milestones. Why not create our own village of support, kindness and understanding? 

Instead, the morning after I envisioned this blog, I experienced the exact opposite of what I’m trying to create in this space. Unkind words about my parenting decisions. 

I went to bed with a sparkle in my eye as I talked my visions out with my husband. I got butterflies in my belly as I received messages from moms that were on board. I had hope and excitement. That night, as I spent hours trying to get our 7 week old daughter to stop fighting sleep, I had ideas running rampant in my head. 

Should I start a social media account? Or just start as a blog? What if I did video interviews? Would local moms want to meet monthly to chat and have coffee? I fell asleep (hours later, zzz) excited to wake up and start writing again.

Instead, I spent the morning in tears. I have snuggled my baby girl and questioned whether I’m doing enough. I’ve changed countless diapers and wondered if I’m a good mom. I’ve nursed for hours and asked myself if the unkind words were true. I’ve cried into my coffee (lukewarm, of course) and felt like I’m letting people down. 

First of all, I know you have all been here. I have, too. Motherhood is hard. Parenting is hard. Having others shame you and make you feel like you’re not doing a good job isn’t fair. But it’s real and it happens, and I want to help. 

Second, you’re allowed to feel all the feelings. What you’re not allowed to do is unpack and stay there. However you need to get out from under those heavy feelings, is what I want to help with. I want to help by sharing as many stories as I can so that no matter what you’re going through, you know that you are not alone. 

While your journey will not mirror anyone else’s, I want to show you that someone can relate. And even if absolutely no one understands, I want to show you that you’re not alone. Even if no one has been there, you have a place to be heard. You have a tribe that wants to listen. 

It took a lot to get me out from under those heavy feelings that day.  I’ve got a beautiful baby girl in my arms and a plan. I’m choosing to let the hurt in my heart take a backseat to the hope I have for this village we’re creating.

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